


If I Could Find My Way Back Home, Where Would I Go?

by thornfield_girl



Series: Somehow, Someday [6]
Category: Justified
Genre: AU, Established Relationship, M/M, Rape Fantasy, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-20
Updated: 2012-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-29 20:41:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/323969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thornfield_girl/pseuds/thornfield_girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ava's getting married, so the boys have to go back to Harlan as a family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I Wanna Be the One Who Walks You Home

Raylan came home to a house that was strangely quiet. There was no Cartoon Network noise from the living room, no chatter between Andrew and Boyd in the kitchen, no playing sounds from Andrew's room. Yet, Boyd's truck had been in the driveway, and it seemed a little cold for to be out for a walk. With a caution born of years of training, and years before that of living with a violent, unpredictable father, he walked quietly through the house. Just as he was glancing into his son's room, he was grabbed from behind and shoved face first into the wall, an arm at his throat, pressing just hard enough for a warning.

"Don't move."

Raylan shivered and obeyed, standing very still as his assailant's other hand reached around his waist to open his jeans. He pushed them down roughly, just far enough to get a hand in. Raylan could feel the other man's cock pressing into him from behind, and he wanted to touch it.

"I'll do whatever you want. Just don't hurt me."

The mouth that had been lightly biting the back of Raylan's neck pulled into a grin, and his hand continued to stroke him slowly as he used his arm to keep Raylan pulled in tight.

"I'm not sure I believe you. What will you do for me, if I want you to?"

"I'll suck you."

"Will you, now? Now how does a boy like you know how to suck cock, anyway?"

"I can learn."

"What if I'd rather fuck you?"

"If you want. Anything you want."

"And what do _you_ want?"

"I want you to kiss me."

"Kiss you? What am I, some kind of fag?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

Boyd loosened his hold and Raylan turned around to face him.

"You ruined my game, Raylan."

"Sorry. But you asked."

"And all you wanted was a kiss?"

"Not all I wanted, but it's what I wanted most."

"You're a sentimental fool, Raylan Givens." He leaned forward and gave Raylan what he wanted, pushing him back into the wall with a protective hand on the back of his head as he kissed him thoroughly. Then he pulled him away from the wall by the shoulders and pushed him toward their bedroom.

"I'll still do whatever you want. I'm at your mercy."

"And that's different from all other times, how?"

There was a lot of truth in that statement, and at one time it might have made Raylan uncomfortable. Raylan liked to feel in control of himself and his feelings, and when he didn't it was usually a problem for him. Boyd had become the exception to this, had been for years. Raylan trusted Boyd to protect him when he didn't have control, of himself or a situation, because he already had done so on so many occasions. He trusted him with everything.

Raylan dropped to his knees in front of Boyd and looked up at him, lips parted slightly. Boyd looked down at him and wasted no time unzipping his jeans and pushing them down. He put his hand on Raylan's head to hold it still, and pushed his cock into Raylan's mouth. Fantasies notwithstanding, Raylan really did know how to give a damn fine blow job. The two of them had learned together, way back when, so their core knowledge on the subject was very specific to one another. Raylan knew what he liked, and he was giving it to him. Boyd had excellent control - much better than Raylan's - and it was a point of pride for Raylan when he was able to take some of that away from him. After a while, Raylan pulled off and looked up at Boyd's face. Boyd was enjoying himself, without a doubt, but he didn't look anywhere close to coming apart.

"How am I doing?"

"Not bad for your first time. Now get up on the bed."

Raylan got up, and Boyd came up behind him, pushing him down onto all fours. Raylan figured he might as well keep playing along. It wasn't his fantasy, but it worked.

"Is it gonna hurt?"

"Maybe a little."

Boyd grabbed the bottle of lube from the bedside table and squirted some into his hand. He slowly worked his fingers up and down Raylan's ass, teasing the hole, and finally making their way inside as he stroked Raylan's dick with his other hand. Raylan gasped at that, playing up the virgin thing a little bit. Boyd leaned forward and spoke low into his ear.

"Scared?"

Raylan licked his lips and nodded. Boyd pulled his fingers out and replaced them with the head of his cock, pushing in very slowly - much more slowly than he'd done in years. Raylan felt two hands grip his shoulders, and Boyd shifted his weight forward, pushing all the way in now. He leaned his forehead down onto Raylan's back for a moment, then sat back, pulling Raylan onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around Raylan's torso, burying his face in Raylan's neck.

"Pretty affectionate for a rape fantasy, don't you think?"

"Nah, I don't want to rape you, Raylan. I want you to want it."

"You know I want it. I always want it with you. I want you to do it now, Boyd, no more of this slow and easy bullshit. Come on. Fuck me."

"OK then. If you're sure."

Boyd pushed Raylan back down onto the bed and began thrusting into him, both of them supported by Raylan's strong arms. He pushed his hands into Raylan's back, fingers digging into the muscles beneath the skin there. They kept this up for awhile, and eventually Raylan could feel Boyd getting closer, felt him pause more often as if gathering his control, heard his breathing change.

"Boyd... I don't want you to come inside. I want to see you do it. I want to watch."

Boyd stopped moving.

"That's what you want, is it?"

"Yeah. OK?"

"As you please, darlin'."

Raylan laughed kind of low at that, the word being a mild power play on Boyd's part as usual. Boyd pulled out carefully and pushed Raylan over onto his back. Raylan reached for himself, but Boyd pushed his hands away.

"I'll take care of that in a minute. Now you just watch."

Boyd straddled Raylan's hips and started stroking himself, staring down at Raylan's face. Raylan wanted to do something, say something that would break that control, just a little bit. He reached a hand up to touch Boyd's stomach, splaying his fingers out on it while he kept his eyes locked on Boyd's.

"You're beautiful, Boyd."

"No, I ain't. Shut up, Raylan." He said it softly, like maybe he didn't really want Raylan to stop.

"You are. And you're mine."

"I am."

Raylan nodded. "Come on, Boyd. Let me see you do it."

Boyd started stroking himself faster, and Raylan pushed his hips up desperately, searching for friction, for pressure. Boyd moved back and wrapped the fingers of his left hand around Raylan's cock.

"Almost there, Raylan? Do it with me."

If Raylan hadn't quite been almost there before Boyd spoke, he certainly was after. He brought his hand back up and took over for Boyd, still watching his face.

"I'm gonna come all over you, Raylan."

"Oh, fuck yeah."

"Now, Raylan."

"Now," Raylan agreed. He came first, realizing that once again he was the one to lose it instead of Boyd. Boyd came just after, watching Raylan's face intently as he did.

After a moment, Boyd got up, went into the bathroom and came back with a warm, wet washcloth. He wiped down Raylan's chest and stomach, threw it into the hamper and lay back down.

"So, what did you do with Andrew?"

"He's two doors down having dinner at the Kalinowskis' house. You know, that little girl Brianna?"

"Brianna. What kinda name is that, anyway?"

"Well, I just don't know. Raylan."

"Raylan is a name with a long, proud history."

"Hillbilly history."

"Surely that's not some kind of put-down, coming from you."

"Certainly not. Just advocating cultural tolerance, is all."

Raylan snorted a laugh and turned onto his side to look at Boyd.

"What brought this on, anyway? Something in particular?"

"Well... sort of. I talked to Ava this afternoon."

"And that got you all hot and bothered? Should I be concerned?"

"Shut up, Raylan. Ava's getting married."

"Oh yeah? Good for her. That guy... what's his name, Kenny... something?"

"O'Donnell. Yeah, that's him."

"She's been talking about him a lot, he sounds pretty decent. Hopefully her judgement has improved over the years."

Boyd rolled his eyes, and Raylan laughed.

"Maybe you should make a pass at him before the wedding, just to be sure."

"Maybe you should, Raylan."

"Well, now that would hardly be fair. No one can resist me."

Then it clicked in Raylan's brain, the reason why Boyd had felt they needed privacy to discuss this.

"The wedding."

"Right."

"Shit."

"We have to go, Raylan."

"I know that, Boyd, what kind of person do you think I am? Jesus Christ."

"I didn't mean anything. I spent a few seconds trying to figure out how to stay away myself."

"Yeah. Well. When is this happening?"

"May 15th."

"So we have about two months to figure this out."

"Ain't nothin' to figure out, Raylan. You, me and the kid are heading on down to Harlan, Kentucky in two months. We're gonna buy them a nice gift, sit together at the church, enjoy some much-missed southern cooking, shake his hand and kiss her cheek, and high-tail it the fuck out of there."

"No dancing?"

"I might dance a little, if they have bluegrass. You know I can't resist."

"Shit yes, I know that." Raylan laughed, a touch of hysteria in the sound. "This is gonna be a fucking disaster, ain't it?"

"No, and you know why? Because Ava won't have that kind of bullshit at her wedding. It's gonna be just fine, Raylan. Worst that's gonna happen is we might get some dirty looks. But fuck that anyway, I don't care. Do you care?"

"Not too much. I just don't want anything to make it ugly for Ava. We owe her."

"Us not coming would make it uglier for her, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know it."

Boyd slid closer to Raylan and kissed him. Raylan pulled him in tight and sank his face into Boyd's neck.

"Harlan's not all bad, Raylan. I bet I'd never have had a chance with you if we'd lived somewhere bigger."

"Shut up, Boyd. Enough with the false modesty. You know what you do to me. How long do we have until we have to pick Andrew up, anyway?"

"Not that long, I'm afraid. I still need another half hour or so anyway."

"Not for that. I just didn't feel like getting up yet."

Boyd pulled Raylan into the crook of his arm and they stayed there for awhile, with the late afternoon sun slanting in through the crack in the curtains. Raylan decided he wouldn't think about going back to Harlan until it was time to go back to Harlan.


	2. In Your Old Room, In Your Old House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys head down to Harlan for the wedding.

The ride down to Kentucky was pretty decent until about six hours in. Raylan and Boyd were both making an effort to stay in a good mood, and five year old Andrew had always been a good traveler. As they got closer, however, conversation began to dwindle. Boyd was thinking about the last time he'd driven this route, while thinking that Raylan could be dead somewhere in Harlan. Raylan was driving now, they'd switched somewhere in Virginia, and staring out at the road with a grim expression on his face. They had thought about flying, but then they'd have to rent a car, and anyway, neither of them wanted to get there too quickly. Andrew was sleeping, so they no longer had much of an incentive to fake cheerfulness.

"Raylan, are you OK? You look like you're thinking of driving us into a tree."

"That was only a fleeting thought, don't worry about it."

"This time tomorrow, it'll all be over."

"You telling me, or yourself?"

"Both of us. When you think about it, what is the big deal anyway? People won't be paying us any mind, it ain't about us, it's Ava's day."

"You don't really believe that, do you?"

"Not really." Boyd stared glumly out the passenger side window. "It could be worse, though. What if our daddies were still alive?"

"You think I'd be coming down here if they were? Arlo, I could handle, he scared easy enough. But Bo, he would have killed me, straight up, right?"

"Hell yes, he would. Slowly. While I watched." He shuddered. "This shit ain't helping, Raylan."

"No, it's not. Nothing's gonna help except getting it over with. Can you put some music on?"

"I thought it was grating on your nerves."

"It was, and now the silence is. Put on something sad so I can stop feeling sorry for myself for awhile. No fucking bluegrass."

They didn't talk much for the remainder of the drive. Boyd's natural response to this kind of stress would be to talk bullshit non-stop for the rest of the ride, but he knew that would be the worst possible thing to do to Raylan at the moment. In a lot of situations, Boyd would try to poke at him, try to get under his skin until he either laughed or got pissed, but this wasn't just some bad mood. Raylan had good reason to feel stressed - just the fact that he had to be in Harlan was stressful, let alone make a public appearance there with Boyd and their son as a family. It was galling that this should be such a big fucking deal, since they'd been living together openly for five years, had been married for almost two. It felt like a huge step backwards, like they were starting all over again. Of course, nothing they'd had to deal with could compare to this ordeal. No one had known them in Syracuse, or in Baltimore, as anything but a couple. There were no old girlfriends, or former criminal cohorts, or cousins to run into in those places. Most people couldn't care less. In Harlan, they'd be a curiosity, at best. People would be trying to figure things out about them, when it started, all that shit. At worst, they'd be something for people to be shocked or disgusted by, but Boyd thought he'd prefer to have to deal with something like that, because at least he knew how to react to it. At least he wouldn't have to smile and take it. 

The reached their hotel, which was about an hour outside of Harlan, and Boyd went to check in while Raylan parked. They got settled in and Raylan went to run a bath for Andrew while Boyd called Ava. 

"Hey Boyd. Y'all just get in?"

"Yeah, just about twenty minutes ago. You all set for tomorrow?"

"Nothing left for me to do but get dressed and get down to the church tomorrow. How 'bout you and Raylan? I know it ain't easy for the two of you coming down here like this."

"Anything for you, miss Ava. Although Andrew might be a little sad, seeing you marry another man."

"I'm sure any son of Raylan's won't have much trouble finding a replacement."

"I'm sure you're right, but keep that quiet. Modesty's never been one of Raylan's greatest virtues."

"Like you don't tell him all the time, Boyd. I know how you are."

"Only when I can't help myself."

"Listen Boyd, do you think y'all could come early and have breakfast with me and Kenny tomorrow? I miss you boys, and he's heard me talk about you so much, I'd really like you to meet before the wedding."

"We can do that, if you like. Is he... well, how does he feel about us? Does he know your history with us?"

"He knows the whole deal, Boyd. He's fine with all of it. He's not from Harlan, you know, he grew up outside of Nashville. He's even a Democrat."

"Well shit, Ava. Don't be spreading that around or you'll end up exiled like us."

"You and Raylan exiled yourselves, so don't give me that."

"Ava..."

"Wait, I don't want to argue with you. I know you and Raylan have your reasons, and it's not like they aren't good ones. And I know it's not just about one thing, either. I get why you can't live here. I just wish you could come down to visit sometimes. I know you, Boyd, this is still home for you. Raylan too, however much he hates that fact."

"Please don't start in on him about this tomorrow. I'm begging you, Ava. You know he loves you as much as I do, and I'm sure both of us would like to see more of you, but that won't help. The last thing I need is Raylan on a damn guilt trip the whole way home."

"Gets all silent and snippy, I bet." 

"You have no idea."

"So you'll come for breakfast? Meet us at the cafe at 9, ok?"

"Why there? Why not at your house?"

"Boyd, do you think I'm cooking you breakfast on my wedding day?"

"Yeah, right, ok. We'll see you there."

"Bye."

Boyd stretched out on the bed and listened to the muted chatter coming from the bathroom. After a minute, the water was turned off and Raylan came out, leaving the door ajar. Boyd could hear Andrew splashing around in the water and talking to himself.

"Hey. Talk to Ava?"

"Yep. She wants us in town for breakfast at nine o'clock tomorrow."

"The wedding isn't until three. What the hell are we supposed to do in Harlan for all that time?"

"Well, we could drive back here. Or... we could swing by the house."

"Arlo's house?"

"It ain't Arlo's house anymore, Raylan. It's yours."

"Why in hell would I want to do that?"

"Maybe Andrew would like to see where you grew up. He doesn't have to know what it was like there. And you could visit your mama and Helen."

"They're not there, Boyd. It's just dirt with a couple stones on top of it."

"If you really felt that way you would have tried harder to sell the place."

"Trying harder would have meant doing work on it and having to be there more."

"Raylan..." Boyd hesitated, not wanting to stir everything up right now. He softened his voice and said, "Do you know what I noticed first about you, after we became friends?"

"My ass?"

"No, I noticed that _before_ we became friends. _After_ we became friends, I noticed how almost right away you started concerning yourself with my business. You always wanted me to stand up to Bo, to try to get out of here, to do something besides what I was born into. But any time I tried to talk to you about Arlo, you shut right down. Wouldn't deal with it, wouldn't talk about it, figured you had it all worked out for yourself. You always want to help everyone else, Raylan, it's why you do what you do, but you never want to accept any help for yourself until you're completely desperate. Even from me."

Raylan sighed and closed his eyes.

"I've allowed you to help me on at least... three occasions that I can think of."

"You can be such an asshole sometimes, Raylan Givens." 

"I know it. It's lucky I'm so goddamn handsome and charming, ain't it?"

"That line would be funnier if it weren't true. You do realize that being at that house with me and our son is not going to feel the same as being there as an 8 year old with the threat of Arlo coming home drunk and beating the shit out of you, right? Or even the same as being there by yourself having to remember all that? I'm still pissed off that I let you go down there by yourself that time. I knew better than that."

"It would be nice if the two of us could stop blaming ourselves for shit that wasn't our fault."

"It would be nice if you'd let me help you with things that are difficult instead of always insisting that you can handle them on your own."

"I did let you help me install the new bathroom sink."

"You let me install the new bathroom sink all by myself."

"Oh yeah, that's what I meant."

"I know you hate talking about things like this. I'm only saying it because I know that being here is harder for you than it is for me. I don't want to be here either, for a number of reasons, but I don't have nearly the amount of unresolved shit as you do about Harlan. I lived there my whole life up until five years ago, so I believe I have a more balanced view of it than you do. You had a shitty childhood, a shitty job, you almost died, and you left. Then you came back, shot an old friend, watched an old lady kill herself, lost two people you loved to violence, and then left again. There's not a whole lot of room for good memories there."

"You forgot the part where I met the love of my life, got him back twenty years later, met my newborn son, and made a hell of a good friend who we are here to see get married tomorrow. And even if it was just the first thing, that would be enough."

"Jesus, Raylan. When you say things like that, I don't know how I could ever say no to anything you might ask of me."

"OK, then I have a favor to ask."

"Anything."

"Get Andrew ready for bed while I take a shower?"

"That, I can do. And what about tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet."

After Andrew fell asleep, Boyd tried to sit up and read for a little while, but couldn't keep his mind on it. They ended up turning the lights out early and falling asleep, though neither of them slept well. In the morning, Andrew woke them at 6 by climbing onto their bed and jumping up and down, yelling, "Wake up! Let's go see Aunt Ava!"

They stopped at a convenience store for coffee and got on the road to Harlan. Andrew was excited and chattering, and Raylan was doing his best to fake a decent mood. Boyd, however, had woken up feeling far different from the way he'd felt the night before. For whatever reason, he felt like he'd undergone an attitude shift in the previous eight hours. He was almost looking forward to the wedding now, and even hoping for a little conflict to come their way. Nothing too bad, nothing to mess with Ava's day or traumatize Andrew, just a little something. It made him angry that either of them should be feeling any fear about this. That wasn't who they were anymore, and he realized that Ava had been trying to tell them this for years now. She had never acted like they didn't belong in Harlan, had been trying to get them to come visit and to stop behaving like they had something to be ashamed of. Ava had accused them of exiling themselves, and Boyd realized that was exactly what they'd done. They should have faced this years ago, and now that they were about to, Boyd felt good. He had never been one to back down from a challenge.

As they crossed over the town line, Boyd could see the muscles in Raylan's face tense up, but no other signs that he was unhappy. He found a spot close to the restaurant and killed the engine. They sat for a moment, then Boyd turned to look at Raylan.

"You ready?"

"Nope."

"OK then, let's go."

They got out of the car and Raylan helped Andrew out of his booster. They entered the cafe, and Boyd could see several people whose faces he recognized and some whose names he knew. By the look on Raylan's face, he could too. Fortunately, they quickly spotted Ava at a table towards the back and headed towards it. As they approached the table, both Ava and the man with her stood up. He had reddish-blond hair, blue eyes, a slim build and a slightly nervous look on his face. Andrew ran ahead of them and barreled into Ava, who scooped him up in a big hug. After Raylan and Boyd both shook hands and introduced themselves to Kenny, and kissed Ava, they all sat down. 

Kenny glanced around the cafe. "Wow, you guys are like celebrities. Everyone's watching us."

Boyd snorted and said, "Well, they just don't want to miss anything, in case Raylan shoots someone."

"Daddy's not going to shoot someone. He didn't even bring his gun."

Ava laughed and said, "Is that true? You came to Harlan without your sidearm?"

"Why, you think I'm gonna need it? I already know Boyd's not armed."

"That is hilarious, Raylan. Any other traumatic events that took place in my home that you'd like to mention while we're here?" 

"Sorry, Ava. I wasn't thinking. So, Kenny, Ava mentioned you're from Tennessee. What brings you to Harlan?"

"I'm from Tennessee originally, but I went to UK for college and stayed in Lexington after I graduated. I met Ava through a friend, and now here I am. I still work there, though."

"Kind of a tough commute to do all the time."

"I guess you would know, right?"

"Well, my job involves a lot of driving anyway. I was in Harlan a lot, but other places too."

"What's it like up in Baltimore?"

"Different from here. In good and bad ways, both."

The waitress came by to take their order, and Boyd thought she looked vaguely familiar. She called Boyd by name when she took his order down, but he couldn't remember her name. When she walked away, Raylan looked at him with a wry expression.

"You don't remember her, do you?"

"Not precisely."

"You went out on at least three dates with her. I know because she was friends with Molly Cale, and we double dated."

"Oh, you mean the time you and I went to movies, and the time you and I went out to the lake, and the time you and I went to Lexington and had dinner? Is that what those girls were doing there?"

Raylan smiled and shook his head. Boyd was sitting with a view of the door, and suddenly his expression darkened a bit. 

Raylan looked at him and said, "Do I want to know?"

"It's Devil."

"Great."

Kenny was watching their exchange curiously. "Who's Devil?"

"Nobody important."

Devil was sitting at the counter with a cup of coffee, staring over at their table. Boyd gave him a nod and got up. Raylan looked at him like he was nuts. "What are you doing?"

"Saying hello to an old friend, Raylan."

Raylan started to respond, but then just shrugged. 

"If he starts anything with you, you're on your own."

"Naturally."

"Give my regards."

"I'll surely do that."

Boyd walked over to where Devil was sitting and slid onto the stool next to him.

"Devil."

"Boyd. The hell you doin' here?"

"Ava's wedding, of course. Your invitation musta got lost in the mail."

"Can't believe Ava wants your faggot ass there. You and your girlfriend there. She ain't all that pretty Boyd, I bet she must suck real good dick."

"Now Devil, I can forgive the harsh language on my own behalf, but if you plan to continue talking about Raylan like that I might have to take issue."

"You shittin' me Boyd? You gonna get into it with me over the goddamn marshal? What the hell happened to you? You're even dressed like a fag."

"I would actually love to get into it right now, over whatever excuse you feel like giving me, but I don't think that would be very considerate to Ava. But it was good seeing you, Devil. Haven't changed a bit."

Boyd walked back to the table and sat down, feeling slightly disappointed. He'd hoped for a little more push back from Devil, not just a little predictable name-calling and a crack about his clothes. Although that one rankled a little bit. He was just wearing a fucking pair of jeans and a gray button-down shirt, not exactly club wear. Of course, they were Raylan's clothes, and the man did like to spend money on his jeans. But still.

"You two have a nice chat?"

"Sure. I invited him up to spend the summer. You don't mind."

"Daddy, Boyd is being funny again, right?"

"Like always."

Ava held out a finger towards Boyd and looked at him sternly. "Boyd Crowder, if you go lookin' for fights on my wedding day, I will disinvite you, don't think I won't. You think I want you sitting in church with your face all beat to hell?"

Boyd looked at Ava with a glint of laughter in his eyes and said, "True, that would be bad. People might stare."

Ava's mouth quirked. "That's right. I don't need a spectacle taking attention from me on my special day."

Everyone laughed, even Andrew, though he didn't know what he was laughing about. 

They had an uneventful breakfast after that, and Boyd thought that Raylan's mood seemed to have improved a good deal. It had been good to get this out of the way, to have made an appearance somewhere before the wedding. They were all getting up to leave, saying their goodbyes, and Boyd realized something he should have done from the very beginning.

"Ava. You did this on purpose."

"I didn't tell Devil to come in, if that's what you mean."

"That's not what I meant. Kenny, it's been real nice meeting you. Here's a piece of advice for you from someone who's known Ava her whole life. If you ever wonder if you might be underestimating her, it's already way too late."

Kenny laughed and said, "I'm starting to get that."

They all shook hands and left. People were still staring a bit, but Boyd saw that the tension had left Raylan's face, and he was even smiling as he looked down and answered some question that Andrew had asked. Boyd walked around to the driver's seat.

"So where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know, Boyd. Why don't you decide for us."

"OK, Raylan. I can do that. You sure?"

"Yeah." He said it softly, and Boyd could tell he was warring with himself about it.

"If it's too much, we won't stay."

"I know, I know."

Boyd drove off towards Raylan's old house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Now That You're Gone."


	3. Kindness Don't Ask For Much But An Open Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boyd forces Raylan to confront some of his fears. And they get ready for the wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Norgbelulah for her invaluable beta help on this chapter. She saved me from a few mistakes, and really helped me get a better handle on what was happening in this chapter. She also gave me the idea for the last scene, which I hope turned out cute enough to be worthy of it. Any remaining mistakes are mine, of course.

The grass was all grown up around the house, and the windows were shuttered. Raylan's stomach was not in the best of shape as they drove up, but he did his best to keep his face composed. Maybe he wasn't as successful as he'd hoped, because Boyd reached over and laid a hand on the back of his neck, squeezing lightly and staying there as they came up the drive. Or maybe his face hadn't given him away at all, and Boyd just knew. Either way, he was glad for it. He thought that probably this had been a bad idea, and didn't really understand why Boyd had wanted to do it. 

"Daddy, it looks like a haunted house."

"It sure does, doesn't it?" 

Boyd parked the car and let Andrew out, and they all walked up to the front porch.

"We'll have to check for ticks when we leave here, Raylan. You oughtta hire someone to mow the lawn every once in while."

"What a waste of money that would be, seeing as how I don't plan to come here again, ever."

"I feel like if I squint, I could see you walking out the front door in your baseball uniform, getting ready to head down to the field."

"You never did see me do that. At least, not as far as I know."

"No, I never did. Don't mean I can't picture it."

"Was Daddy a good baseball player?"

"Yeah, he was pretty good. Had a good hard swing, as I recall."

"Quit it, Boyd. I ain't in the mood for reminiscing about awful sh- stuff, ok?"

"Yeah, ok. Should we go pay our respects?"

"I guess."

They walked over toward the graves of Raylan's mother and aunt and Raylan squatted in front of them.

"C'mere Andrew. This is where your grandma, my mother, is buried. And this is your great-aunt Helen’s grave, my mama's sister. They were both wonderful women, and I'm sorry you never got to meet them when they were alive."

Andrew came over and stood next to Raylan, who pulled his son closer and put his arm around him. Andrew looked at Raylan with an expression Raylan recognized from times when he and Boyd had gotten into arguments in front of him. He was a kid who took things to heart and wanted the people he loved to be happy at all times.

"Are you sad that they died?"

"I was sad when they died, yes, and I still miss them. But I’m not sad about it anymore."

"Why isn't your daddy here?"

Raylan didn't know how to answer that, and was thinking about it when Boyd said, "Your granddad was not a good father to your daddy, nor was he a good husband to your grandma. He doesn't deserve to be buried here with his family, because he didn't treat them with love when he was alive."

"What did he do?"

Raylan had stood up and was looking off into the woods. He wasn't sure if Andrew should hear these things, but he wasn't sure that he shouldn't, either. He'd leave it up to Boyd, because he didn't think he could find it in himself to say anything at all at the moment.

"He used to hit them. My daddy did too, it was what a lot of people thought was the only way to teach kids. Some still do. And a lot of men thought, and still do, that hitting a woman to make her stay in line is ok too. And sometimes, when those people drink too much alcohol, they lose control over how hard they hit, or how much."

Andrew looked like he was giving this a lot of thought, and Raylan felt a rush of gratitude that his son had never had any personal experience with these things. The boy looked Boyd straight in the eyes and said with absolute certainty, "I'd never do that."

"I have no doubts about that."

Raylan bent down and picked his son up. 

"I think we're done, huh? I didn't bring the key, so we can't get inside."

"I brought it."

"You brought it. You planned this before we even drove down and you didn't think to say anything to me about it?"

"Of course I didn't, Raylan. You could barely bring yourself to set foot in the state of Kentucky, you think I was gonna suggest a visit here?"

Raylan was pissed off, but he didn't know what to do with it. He wanted to yell at Boyd, but he wasn't going to do that in front of Andrew if he could help it. He didn’t feel right, at all, felt like his heart was racing and he couldn’t quite catch his breath. He put Andrew down and ran a hand over his face, which was covered in a thin film of sweat.

"Fine. Let's go, then. Let's go inside."

They went in through a side door that led into the kitchen. Andrew wandered out of the room to explore the first floor. 

"What the fuck. Why are we even here?" Raylan was speaking quietly, but his voice was full of anger.

"This is just a house, Raylan. It's wood and bricks and glass."

"Oh, you think so, do you?"

"I know what it is to you. You think you gotta tell me? What I’m saying is that it doesn’t have to be that."

Raylan felt cold, suddenly, even though it was a very warm day. He looked at Boyd and all the anger he’d been pushing back , without even realizing it, bubbled up to the surface. 

"Boyd, right now, I feel like I could... shit, I need to get out of here."

"You could what?"

"No. Leave it alone. You said we could go if it was too much, so now I'm saying it's too goddamn much."

"You want to hit me, don't you? You want to fight me."

"No." Yes.

Boyd walked up into Raylan's space and stood there, in a manner which Raylan could only interpret as a challenge.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"You don't scare me, Raylan. You want to hit me? You go right ahead."

"I don't want to do that."

"Yes, you do. Come on, boy."

"Andrew is in the other room. If we started fighting, he'd be in this room in a second. I'm not doing that."

Boyd reached a hand up and pushed Raylan in the chest, not too hard, but enough to move him back.

"Cut it out, Boyd." 

Boyd stepped forward again until he was just as close as before. Raylan was breathing hard and his heart was pounding in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to shove Boyd away from him right now, maybe push him hard enough so he'd fall on the floor. He balled his hands into fists and closed his eyes, taking a step back. Boyd followed, not giving him any room at all.

"I never took you for the type to back down from a fight, Raylan. I thought you were some kinda tough guy."

"You think it's so easy to wind me up? You think you can just... " 

"You know what I remember about this house?" Boyd had stepped back about half a step and had his hands in his pockets. Raylan blinked at the sudden shift in attitude, then stood silent for a few seconds to get his breathing under control. He didn’t answer, just raised his eyebrows.

"When I'd come over here and we'd have dinner with your mama. I used to love to watch you cook for her and take care of her. I started thinking about all kinds of crazy things during that time, like maybe we could actually be together somewhere. Like maybe some day you'd cook just for me like that."

"You thought about that?"

"I did."

"Why didn't you tell me? It's what I wanted, too."

"I almost did. But then... Arlo. That night..."

"Of course. He ruined every good thing that ever happened in this house."

"He didn't ruin it though. Look at us. He wanted to take that away from us, he tried, but in the end he failed."

"Well, that was kinda his specialty."

"You still feel like a fight?"

"No." It had been a lie before, but it was true now. Raylan didn't feel like fighting anyone, let alone Boyd.

"We can sell this place, if you want. We can have the graves moved to the church cemetery, and put it on the market for next to nothing. Then you won't have to think about it anymore. You think that'll work? Make it all go away, then, finally?"

Raylan didn't answer, just stared at Boyd with an expression of defeat on his face.

"Or... we can come down here for a few weeks every summer and put some work into it. We can scrape the siding, paint, replace that saggy old porch, we can put a damn tire swing in the tree out there. We can have Ava and her man over for dinner. We can do whatever the hell we want, Raylan, because it's ours."

"That's what you want?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I want."

"You have to know how hard that would be for me."

"I do."

"And you still think we should do it."

"Yep."

"Then... fine. We'll do it."

"Just like that?"

Raylan shrugged. "I trust you."

"You do, don't you. How'd that happen?"

Boyd was still standing very close, and Raylan reached up to put his hands on his shoulders. 

"Could be all those times you saved my life."

"Could be."

"We shoulda brought a babysitter with us. I'd like to get you out into them woods for a little while."

"We'll have to remember that for next time." Boyd put his hands on Raylan's waist and leaned in for a kiss. 

Raylan smiled and wrapped his arms around Boyd. "Know what's crazy? I got nervous when you did that. Like someone was gonna come in from the next room and catch us."

"Someone might."

"Nothing worse than catching your parents making out." Raylan shuddered.

"I wouldn't know."

"When Arlo wasn't beating the tar out of my mother, he did show her a good deal of affection at times. It was... confusing."

"I bet it was. You know, you're nothing like him."

"I did want to hit you, Boyd. I felt like I could lose it any second and really _hurt_ you."

"But you didn't. You never have, not since we've been together, anyway. And before that, never when you weren't severely provoked."

"Well, you can be very provocative."

"It's kinda my specialty."

"Is that why you were trying to rile me up? Trying to prove something?"

"Maybe. But I shouldn’t need to prove anything. Why do you need proof beyond the way you’ve lived your life?”

“The way I conduct myself is a choice I make every day. I had to make the choice not to put you on the ground a minute ago, and I struggled with that.”

“How do you think it is for other people? You think it’s easy for most people to do the right thing? We’re all sinners. And what if you had hit me? What if you made that choice instead of the one you made? You think that would have made you the same as him?”

“In at least one way.”

Boyd laughed and shook his head. “Wrong, wrong, wrong. That is nothing but bullshit, Raylan. Even you must see that. What do you think I would have done if you’d decided to take a swing at me?”

“Cried like a girl?”

“No.”

“Gave me a kiss?”

“Not right away.”

“I get it Boyd, you would have hit me back. You would have possibly kicked my ass. That’s not the point.“

"My god, Raylan. I wish you knew yourself as well as I know you. You'd like yourself more."

"Is that from Hallmark's new line of cards for dysfunctional hillbillies?"

Boyd threw back his head and laughed, then went to look for Andrew. 

Raylan watched him walk away, then looked around himself at the kitchen that was both incredibly familiar and alien at the same time. For the first time in his life, this house didn't feel like a threat to him. He thought maybe things could work out the way Boyd had in mind, and they really could drain the evil out of this place. He thought, not for the first time, about how strangely his life had turned out. This was not a version of happiness that he could have conceived of, even when he had been so in love with Boyd in their youth. He had asked Boyd to come away and be with him, but he'd had no clear picture of what that would look like, and looking back it probably wouldn't have worked. They'd both needed to work out a lot of shit in the interim, and had needed to work out even more since being together again. That was a job for men, not boys. 

They decided to drive back to the hotel since there were still several hours until the wedding was to start. They went down to the pool for awhile, had some lunch, then up to their room to get ready. 

Raylan showered quickly, then put Andrew in so he could rinse the chlorine out of his hair. He came out of the bathroom to find Boyd already dressed. He was wearing a suit that Raylan had never seen, uncharacteristically stylish and well-fitting. He obviously felt uncomfortable in it. 

“Well, look at you. Don’t you look - ”

“Stop right there. Do not utter another word, I mean it.”

“I only wanted to - “

“I ain’t playing with you, Raylan, shut the hell up.”

The suit really did fit well, and Raylan found himself fascinated by how different he looked.

“I didn’t know you bought that.” He pulled on his pants and started to button up his shirt.

“I’m beginning to regret it.”

“It looks good on you.” Raylan wasn’t lying, but he couldn’t keep the laughter out of his voice. 

Boyd made a disgusted sound and walked into the bathroom to comb his hair. Raylan felt slightly guilty, but he just couldn’t let it go, and he called after him.

“I can’t lie, I was hoping to see the vest.”

Boyd came back out of the bathroom with a dark expression on his face. 

"Raylan, I need an honest opinion. Can you be objective? 

"I doubt it. But I'll try." 

"Do I look... Do you think people would make assumptions about me based on the way I dress?"

"Are you serious? Is this about what Devil said? 

"I guess. It's not something I normally think about, but being here makes me notice all the ways I'm different from how I used to be."

"Well, I don't think a suit and tie is gonna give you away, Boyd. The husband might, though."

Boyd chuckled and shook his head. "Shit Raylan, I don't care about that. I'm not worried about hiding. I just I don't exactly know who I am anymore. Or who I was, or how those people can be reconciled."

"I know who you are. You're both of those people, all of them."

"And that's fine with you?"

"Of course it is, how could it not be? You always say how you know me so well, but you seem to forget I know you too. I do, however, prefer the way the current version dresses for a party."

"Well, you always were a bit ridiculous about fashion. You and that fuckin' hat."

"I should have worn it. That hat struck fear into countless Harlan criminals during my time here. Nobody would have thought to give us any shit if I'd worn the hat."

"You are seriously delusional."

Raylan grinned, then put on his tie. "Maybe. But you can't deny, that hat worked for me."

"Well, it definitely worked for me."

“Hey.”

“What?”

“You do look really fucking good.”

Boyd walked over to Raylan and kissed him, running a hand up under the back of his jacket. “You too.”

"That's it, next time we go somewhere we're getting a two room suite."

"Call the front desk, Raylan, get us moved."

"I'm on it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from the song "Kindness."


	4. Something Blue to Put Us Out of Our Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's never simple when Raylan and Boyd are in Harlan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge, huge thanks to norgbelulah for her amazing beta work. This chapter would be so sloppy without her help. All mistakes are mine.

The church was very warm, and the fans weren’t doing much to help. Raylan and Boyd sat with Andrew in between them. Raylan kept his gaze straight ahead, expressionless, ignoring the curious, hostile, or amused looks that were being aimed their way. 

Boyd, however, answered all of them with a nod or a smile, occasionally a wave. He recognized the preacher conducting the ceremony, an older man named Ellis Wheeler. Now that they were here, he was enjoying himself quite a bit. 

It had been a good day, and he was happy to be here in Harlan with Raylan. 

They were leaving in the morning, but they’d be coming back in the summer. He felt like he’d gotten back what he’d lost some time ago. He’d traded it for Raylan and a different kind of life, and it was a choice he’d make again in a second, but the possibility that he could have both Raylan and home made him feel supremely blessed. 

On top of Raylan’s concession about the house, it seemed that both of them had gotten over their intense discomfort about being together in this place. The anticipation had been terrible, and in hindsight, they had both blown things way out of proportion. There was nothing here that could hurt them anymore. Even if some hate did come their way, that in itself was nothing new for either of them, nothing they couldn’t handle.

In addition to all that, Raylan had gotten them moved to a suite with a pull-out couch in the living room and a separate bedroom. So there was that to look forward to.

Boyd Crowder was in a very good mood. 

Ava wore a simple, off-white shift and carried a bouquet of daisies. Despite the heat of the day, she looked cool and beautiful, and Kenny beamed at her as she walked toward the altar on her own. Boyd smiled at that - Ava wasn’t anyone’s to give away. The ceremony was simple, fairly traditional, and lovely, though Boyd smirked a bit when they got to the part of the vows where Ava promised to “obey.” He figured that might last about as far as the church doors.

The ceremony was brief enough that Andrew had only begun to fidget towards the very end. After it was over, everyone headed back to Ava’s house for the reception. There were two large tents in the yard, with tables full of food and drink, and a bluegrass band setting up in the corner with a small dance floor in front of them.

Andrew immediately went to watch the musicians, and Raylan went to find them some drinks. Boyd was looking around for a friendly face when Reverend Wheeler walked up and greeted him. 

“Well, I believe it’s Boyd Crowder, is it?”

“It is, yes sir. Good to see you, Reverend.”

Boyd saw Raylan out of the corner of his eye as he headed towards Boyd and then veered off towards the band upon catching sight of the Reverend. He gave a slightly guilty grin as Boyd narrowed his eyes at him. Boyd would certainly make him pay for that later.

“Son, I knew your father. I know he would not have approved of your... situation, and certainly not that you brought it into a house of worship.”

“I’m sorry, but not surprised, to hear that you feel that way, Reverend. And I know you’re right about the view my daddy would have taken. Still and all, what you call my ‘situation,’ I call my family. And we are here at the invitation of someone else I consider family. We have a right to be here, but I assure you we meant no disrespect.”

“Your life is mired in sin, Mr. Crowder.”

“Without a doubt, that’s true as ever, Reverend.” Boyd honestly did not want to offend the preacher, but he was having a hard time keeping a grin off his face. He could see that Raylan was keeping an eye on him, and then the man actually winked at him. He was pushing it, that was for damn sure.

Mercifully, Andrew ran up at that moment. “Boyd! Aunt Ava says you’re gonna want to dance to the next song.” Just then the band swung into “Blue Grass Ramble.”

“Well, she’s absolutely right, as always. Afternoon, Reverend.”

Boyd went over to the dance floor and got right into the mix. Ava was doing a bit of clogging herself, among several younger kids and and a couple old timers. He glanced around and saw Raylan leaning against a chair, watching him with a fond, but definitely amused expression on his face. Boyd nodded to him and kept dancing. 

******************************************************

Raylan could see that Boyd was having a good time, and he was pleased about that. He felt a bit more ambivalent about things himself, but it did seem that his worst fears had been unfounded. Boyd had obviously felt a need to be back in Harlan, and Raylan hadn’t realized quite how deep that went until they’d gotten here. When Boyd had pushed him about the house, knowing what a big thing it was to ask, Raylan hadn’t felt like he could refuse. Boyd didn’t actually ask for much, and he wouldn’t have asked for that if it wasn’t something he truly needed.

Raylan was thinking about all this when Kenny walked up beside him and said hello. 

“Hey there, Kenny. Congratulations. I hope you know how lucky you got.”

“I do, believe me, I do.” He kept his eyes on Ava, dancing and laughing with Boyd about something. “I take it you don’t clog.”

“No, I do not.”

“Me neither. Suburban boy. They look like they’re having fun, though.”

“They do.”

“They seem kind of like... brother and sister, huh?”

“It’s kinda like that with them now, yeah.”

“Not you, though.”

“That was brief, and long ago. And it never would have worked. It’s not gonna be a problem, is it?”

“No, no. I just like to know where everyone’s coming from. I know Ava is very attached to you and Boyd, and I’m not about to go trying to bust up her friendships. I’m not stupid. I just... you know, she’s a beautiful woman. Prettiest one who ever went out with me, that’s for sure, and that’s just the start. I’m not normally the jealous type, but her being such good friends with two of her exes...”

“Kenny, you do realize that Boyd and I are _together_ , right?” 

“Yeah, I know, I know. Jealousy’s not exactly logic-based.”

“Can’t argue with that.”

“Well anyway, thanks. That was helpful. I hope you don’t think I’m an asshole.”

“Nope. Why, you want my blessing?”

Kenny laughed, but said, “Yeah, sure. Do I have it?”

“Absolutely. For y’own sake though, you might want to learn to clog. Don’t want to leave her on her own on the dance floor all the time, do you?”

“Why? You leave Boyd on his own.”

“He ain’t as pretty as Ava.”

Kenny laughed, held out his hand to shake Raylan’s and said, “I need to go say hi to people, but I’m real glad you could make it to the wedding. Y’all are welcome to come and stay anytime, just like before.”

“Thanks. The offer’s the same for you at our place. Anyway, it looks like we’re gonna be renovating the house I grew up in, so we’ll be down in the summer and staying there. We’ll see you then.”

As Kenny moved away and into the crowd of guests, Boyd came over and grabbed the beer Raylan had brought over for him. 

“Nice moves.”

“Why thank you, Raylan. Sure I wish I could see you up there some time.”

“Never gonna happen. You could teach Andrew, though.”

“Count on it.”

“I’m gonna get something to eat. You planning to dance some more?”

“Not at the moment. I’m going up to the house, use the facilities. Fix me a plate?”

“Sure.”

***********************************

 

Boyd headed towards Ava’s house, already going over what he wanted to get done on the house when they came down next, and wondering if they’d have to get an electrician in or if they could do it themselves. He entered by the side door and used the bathroom in the back of the house, and just as he was coming out he heard the unmistakable voice of Dickie Bennett behind him. 

“Put your hands up, Boyd.”

Boyd raised his hands to about waist level and turned around. He couldn’t believe this shit was happening. For Dickie Bennett to get the jump on him showed a serious lack of alertness on his part, really an unforgivable lapse in judgement. 

“I didn’t tell you to turn around.”

Boyd ignored that. “Dickie. I didn’t know you got out.”

“I’m not looking for a conversation here, Boyd. You just keep your mouth shut and walk towards the back door. I don't want to hurt you, now, so don't do anything stupid."

Boyd started walking backwards towards the door, very slowly. He knew Raylan would come looking for him, but the last thing he wanted was for him to be involved in this. He'd never get him to come back down here again if Boyd got hurt in the middle of a Givens-Bennett blood feud. The worst possible outcome, the one where Raylan got hurt or killed, that was something he couldn't allow himself to think about just then.

“So what you gonna do, then? Shoot me? I do think that would be the smart play, considering what happened last time you tried to get cute about it.”

"I don't have any quarrel with you, Boyd. I know Raylan Givens is gonna be up here after you pretty soon, him being such a _loyal, old friend _and all."__

“Your beef oughtta be with me just as much, Dick. I’m the one who made you cut him loose.”

“You had your own issues with me, and I can understand that. I count us as square now, Boyd. I don’t need to kill you. But I will if you don’t shut. Your fucking. Mouth."

Dickie was jumpy, as usual, and Boyd knew that this was both a weakness and something that made him dangerous. 

They had reached the back door, and Boyd reached behind himself to open it and backed out into the yard, not taking his eyes off of Dickie. 

“I don’t believe you really want to kill anyone, Dickie Bennett. But you really gotta learn to let some shit go, you know that? I was at that game, I saw what happened. You hit him in the head and you were gonna stomp on his face with your fuckin’ cleats, what would you have done? He didn’t intend to cripple you, you know that.”

“It ain’t just that, Boyd. He killed Coover. He deserves some fucking payback, now _you_ know _that_. Get up against the house and sit down."

Boyd stood against the house, but didn't sit. 

“What’s the plan here, Dickie? If Raylan comes up here, it’s two against one. And if you think you can outdraw him, I got proof right here on my chest to testify that ain’t happening.”

“I know he didn’t bring no gun to Ava’s wedding.”

“Alright, you can make that bet. Have you ever seen Raylan unarmed since he came back here, though?”

“No. I guess you have, though.”

“Jealous?”

“I’m sure I told you to shut the fuck up, Boyd. And sit down, damn it!"

“You did, but I won’t. Come on, Dickie. You don’t want to go back to jail. I know that’s no kinda place for someone like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Weak, crippled, skinny, _sensitive_.” 

“Shut up, goddamn it.”

"It's okay, Dickie. I ain't God, I don't judge."

Boyd wasn't sure if baiting Dickie was the best move or not, but maybe he'd get distracted and Boyd could disarm him. Anyway, he thought it was what Raylan would have done.

“You know, Dickie, if you were to shoot me, you’d be hurting Raylan even more than if you decided to take a baseball bat to him again.”

“Must be true love.”

“It is that. You can sneer all you like, that don’t make it any less than what it is.”

“Then maybe I’ll wait and do it in front of him. See how he likes seeing someone he loves killed in front of him."

"He's already seen that, Dickie. He's suffered plenty, just like you, just like me. Can't you just let it be? This can be over, without you getting hurt or going back to prison."

"Me getting hurt? See, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm the one with the gun. I'm the one in charge here, Boyd. Now sit down, I mean it, because I will shoot you if I have to."

Boyd sighed. He didn't feel like fucking with him anymore, he felt like shooting him and putting him out of his misery. He sat down.

Through the screen door, Boyd heard someone enter through the front of the house.  
Footsteps moved towards the back of the house, stopped briefly at the bathroom door, then continued on. It was Raylan, no question about it, and a moment later he walked through the back door.

“Dickie..." Raylan spoke slowly, cautiously.

Dickie kept the gun trained on Boyd as he spoke.

“Raylan Givens, just the man I was lookin’ for. You come on over here and sit next to your boyfriend here.”

“Actually, we’re married. Crazy, right? Never imagined something like that when I was growing up here.”

“Jesus Christ, I don’t give a fuck. Just go sit down.”

“I don’t really want to do that, Dickie. See, because that would put you at an advantage. Now, I know it’s me you want, and I know you don’t really want to do nothin’ to Boyd or else you woulda done it already. I’m not sure you really thought this plan through very well.”

Boyd shook his head and sighed loudly.

“Me and Dickie, we’re just talkin’, Raylan. He ain’t gonna hurt nobody.”

“Hmm. Kinda makes me wonder what the gun’s for, in that case.”

“Yeah, me too. Whyn’t you put that away, Dickie, huh? We’re just having a conversation.”

"Raylan. It's up to you what happens here. You can go sit next to Boyd, and maybe I let him go, or I can just shoot him and we'll go from there. Boyd here seems to think killing him would be payment enough for the debt you owe me."

"Is that right. Well, that may be, but I don't think it would satisfy you, would it? You shoot him, I take you down, you go back inside and I'm walking around free and unharmed."

Boyd had been watching Raylan, waiting for him to signal a play, and then he saw it. Dickie hesitated, started to turn slightly toward Raylan, and Boyd lunged forward to grab at his ankles. Off-balance, his bad leg unable to support his weight, he went down easily. Raylan put a foot on his wrist and reached down to take the gun away. 

Raylan looked down at him disgustedly. 

“Well, that didn’t take much effort. You alright, Boyd?”

“I’m fine. What are you planning to do with him?”

Raylan sighed. “Call the police, I guess. I’m certain that holding a man captive at gunpoint is a violation of his parole.”

“‘Course, that means spending the whole afternoon at the station.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I don’t know what else you think there is to do, though.”

“Mercy bears greater fruits than strict justice, Raylan.”

“Are you quoting the Bible at me now?”

“No, that ain’t the Bible. Abraham Lincoln, I believe.”

Raylan raised his eyebrows at him in an exaggerated expression of surprise.

“What?” Boyd widened his eyes innocently.

“Okay... so what does that mean to you, in this case?”

“Just keep his gun, maybe punch him in the face- or I can, if you like- and let him go. That takes care of the debt, Dickie will never come near us again.”

“That’s right, Raylan! I promise, I’ll - “

“Shut up. The grownups are talkin’. There’s no goddamn debt, Boyd, I’m not - “

“Really, Raylan? Come on, pretend you never left here for a minute. Pretend you ain’t a marshal. Pretend you’re just Raylan Givens of the Harlan County Givenses.”

“You’re saying I owe this asshole something?”

“No, I’m not saying that. I’m saying he believes you do, and you know why.”

Raylan rolled his eyes. “This is crazy. I don’t trust this pissant one little bit. I can’t believe you do either.”

“Trust? No, I don't trust him. I pity him.”

Raylan looked down and considered the man lying at his feet.

“Dickie, I’m gonna say this to you one time. I am sorry about your leg. Truly. Always have been. I’m sorry about what happened to your family, though the responsibility for that does not lie with me. If things were like Boyd was saying before, I might be inclined to offer you that mercy.” Raylan looked at Boyd now, as if trying to figure something out. “But we all know it just ain’t like that now.”

Dickie didn’t answer, just laid his head down on the ground and closed his eyes. Raylan shook his head ruefully.

“I’m calling the sheriff. Damn, Ava’s gonna be pissed. See, now I don’t even feel bad for this little fucker. Pulling this shit at Ava’s wedding.” 

“Who’d you leave Andrew with?”

“Ava’s teaching him how to clog. He’ll fall asleep the minute we get in the car.”

The sheriff, a man named Wilkes, arrived a while later, and Boyd recognized him as the same man who had come here the night Ava was attacked, the night that had almost derailed their relationship. He’d been skeptical of their story at the time, but hadn’t seemed to draw any conclusions about them.

“Well, if it ain’t the two old mining buddies, fighting crime here at Ava Crowder’s house again. She oughtta hire you for protection.”

Raylan looked at him with a neutral expression. “Wasn’t Ava he was after, it was me.”

“No surprises there, I guess. Bennetts and Givenses, now as always.”

“Not on my end. I’m just here for the wedding.”

“And what about you, Crowder? Here to watch your old girlfriend get married off?”

“That’s right.”

“Well, I’m sorry to take you away from it, but y’all are gonna have to come down and give your statements.”

Raylan spoke up hopefully. “I don’t suppose you could take ‘em here, could you? We didn’t even get anything to eat yet, and we got an hour drive back to the hotel.” 

“What’s that, now?” The sheriff looked at the two of them with an expression of dawning amazement.

“Why don’t you come on down and get some chicken while you take our statements? Ava won’t mind, I’m sure.” 

“Well...”

“Come on, now,” Boyd said as he started walking down to the tent. 

“Did you say you’re both going back to the - “

“Let’s not get caught up in irrelevancies just now, sheriff. I’m starving, ain’t you?”

After food, drinks, statements given, a bit more dancing and goodbyes, Raylan, Boyd and Andrew were on the road. As predicted, Andrew was asleep by the time they got out of the driveway.

Boyd was driving, and Raylan was looking out the passenger side window, apparently deep in thought. Boyd was afraid of what he might be thinking, and it put him on edge. 

“Go on, Raylan. I know you want to say something, let’s hear it.”

“I’m not really sure what to say. Did you really think I was gonna let Dickie go?”

“No, not really.”

“Did you truly want me to?”

Boyd heaved a sigh. “I don’t know what I wanted. I’m sure you made the right decision. The man just makes me sad, Raylan. I can’t even look at him.”

“What’s goin’ on with you, Boyd? Feeling sorry for Dickie Bennett... quoting Abraham Lincoln... “

Boyd laughed and nodded. “I told you I was having an identity crisis.”

“I thought that was just about the suit.” Raylan laughed too, and suddenly things felt good again. 

“It’s about Harlan, that’s all. You know.”

“I do. You sure you still want to do this thing with the house, keep coming down here?”

“I’m sure. But I guess I’d understand if you wanted to change your mind after that.”

“You must not know me as well as you thought, if you believe I’d ever let Dickie Bennett change my mind about anything.”

Boyd didn’t say anything, but the smile didn’t leave his face for a long time after that.

 

Back in their room, Raylan put Andrew to bed on the pull-out couch and Boyd took a shower. He supposed he should feel exhausted after the day he’d had, but he felt like he could stay up all night. He was rinsing his hair when Raylan stepped in behind him and wrapped an arm around his waist.

Boyd grinned in anticipation. “Well, hey.”

“Hey.”

Boyd turned around and kissed him, wet lips sliding over Raylan’s and opening to dive into his mouth. All at once he felt hungry for him, ravenous, like he wanted nothing else in the world but to taste the bourbon on Raylan’s tongue and breathe his air. They had all the years of their life ahead of them to be slow and patient, but at that moment Boyd wanted Raylan with no delay, nothing held back. He dropped to his knees and took Raylan’s cock into his mouth, the water falling on his head and running in streams down his face. 

Raylan held Boyd’s head between his palms and stroked the skin behind his ear with his thumb. 

“Boyd... that is so good. You're so good."

Boyd loved it when Raylan talked during sex. He didn’t do it very often, generally only on the occasions when he was too full of emotion or too turned on to censor himself effectively. Apparently, seeing Boyd in danger was a motivator.

Boyd ran a hand up Raylan’s stomach and chest, sliding through the water, and Raylan reached up to grab it. He held it and kissed it tenderly.

“I loved watching you dance today. Loved being there with you. Love you. Oh, fuck... ” Then the words stopped, and Raylan was only breathing as Boyd took him over the edge. 

Raylan was still holding onto Boyd’s hand, and he used it to help him up from the floor of the shower. He pulled him into a long, slow kiss.

“Let’s get out of here. I ain’t even half done with you yet.”

Boyd hoped Raylan was being sincere about that, because he wanted so much more of him tonight. He wanted to make him come again, and again, like he’d done so easily back in the early days. They weren’t kids now, far from it, but his desire for Raylan had not lessened at all. Only now, there was so much more behind it. Where before there had only been desperation and hopelessness fueling their attachment, there were now promises fulfilled many times over, and a future that looked almost too beautiful to contemplate. Boyd was not a superstitious man, but this kind of happiness made him a little nervous. He’d had the rug pulled out from under him before, but he’d never had this much to lose. 

Raylan backed him into the bedroom, holding him by the shoulders and kissing him repeatedly. The backs of Boyd’s knees hit the bed and he sat down, Raylan climbing on top of him and pushing him down. The air-conditioned room felt chilly on their damp skin, so they moved all the way into the bed and pulled the covers up over themselves. Raylan lay on top of Boyd, kissing him softly, slowly and insistently. Boyd was rock hard, but he didn’t mind this at all. There was something in the air between them tonight, something delicate that Boyd couldn’t define, but which Raylan was obviously feeling too. 

He reached a hand up to Raylan’s face, and mumbled, “Hey.” Raylan pulled back to look at him, and Boyd held his gaze for a moment before shaking his head slightly and kissing him again. He felt as if he should say something, but nothing seemed adequate.

Raylan reached down to take hold of his cock, and spoke into his ear. “You can fuck me if you want. It’s whatever you want tonight. You tell me.”

“Oh, Raylan. How did I ever... “ Boyd trailed off, suddenly unable to speak. He didn’t know what he was feeling, only that it was powerful and strangely familiar. 

“You alright?” Raylan was looking at him with concern.

“Never been better,” he said honestly, and kissed Raylan harder. “I don’t want to fuck you, not tonight. Want you to keep holdin’ on to me.”

Raylan slid his arm under Boyd’s shoulders, still kissing and stroking him, and holding him as closely as physically possible. 

Boyd felt that, felt how perfectly Raylan had understood him, and in that moment realized just how far both of them had traveled from those early days. He kissed Raylan’s cheek, his temple, and the spot just next to his ear that Boyd knew was unusually sensitive. He spoke low into Raylan’s ear.

“That’s it, Raylan, just like that. My lord, that is just perfect.”

He felt Raylan’s cock stir against his leg, and kissed his face some more. 

“I love you, Raylan. I want you to make me come now.” 

“Sure thing, Boyd. Let me see how much you love me.”

Raylan grabbed the bottle of lube he’d left on the bedside table and poured some into his hand. He reached for Boyd again and slathered it over his cock, steadily pulling him closer and closer to the finish. Boyd could feel Raylan’s mounting excitement.

“Can you do it with me, Raylan?”

“I want to see you. Then I will.”

“You said whatever I wanted. Please, Raylan.”

Raylan looked into Boyd’s eyes, seemed to be trying to peer inside to decipher the expression on his face. He nodded.

“Like this, then.”

He rolled on top of Boyd and they slid their hips together, slippery from the lube. Raylan held himself up on his muscular arms, rocking his lower body into Boyd’s. Boyd wrapped his legs around Raylan’s hips to try to pull him in tighter, and started bucking up hard.

“Come on, Raylan, come on, now.” 

Raylan bent to kiss Boyd, and they both came, breathing hard into each other’s face. 

“Damn, Boyd. What the hell was that?”

“Don’t know. Something special, whatever it was. Is. I’m still feeling it.”

“So am I.” 

“I’ve felt it before, once. Something like it, anyway, not entirely the same.”

“When was that?”

Boyd hesitated. He wanted to say this, but it was a tricky subject for the two of them. 

“If I tell you, you need to promise not to joke about it.”

“I wouldn’t laugh at you, Boyd. You think I’d do that?” Raylan sounded hurt, and Boyd felt bad.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant.” He moved in closer and wrapped an arm around Raylan’s chest. “Just, when you’re uncomfortable about something you tend to make jokes. Me too, I know. It’s what we do. And it’s fine, usually, but I can’t have that with this. It’s about what happened to me after you shot me. If you don’t want me to, I don’t have to tell it. We never really got into it, at least not the full extent of my experience, and I know it’s hard for you to hear about.”

“I want to hear it. I couldn’t before, but I can now. I feel like I can do anything.”

“That’s it exactly. Or part of it, anyway. When I regained consciousness, what I felt was this immense love running all through me. Like... like I’d been forgiven. I suddenly felt that I was no longer required to hate myself for who I was, or what I was, or even for the things I’d done. It _felt_ like God, Raylan. Maybe it was. And then you came to see me, and you told me how it had been for you, and I felt that I had gotten back part of myself. I didn’t have you back, not then, but at least I had back the time we’d been together. Knowing it meant the same things to you made it real for me again. I felt, then, like I could do anything. Be anything. It faded, of course, as these things do.”

“And that’s what this feels like to you, now? Like after I shot you?”

“Without the pain and the religion, yes.” Boyd gave a crooked smile. “Instead of God’s love running through me, it’s yours and mine. Maybe His too, who knows.”

“You think He approves?”

“If He’s there, then yeah, I do.”

“Damn, Boyd. You a Unitarian now, too?” 

“Shut up, Raylan. I thought you weren’t going to make light of this.”

“I’m not, I swear. Thank you for telling me. I’m glad I can feel what you felt then. I never knew if it was for real, or not. Now I know how real it must have felt to you.”

Boyd had once believed that he’d never be able to change, to adapt to a life lived openly in the wider world, but he had done just that. He had begun it in order to be with Raylan, but it hadn’t taken long for him to see that it was what he needed for himself, too. They’d stayed away from Harlan, done what they’d needed to in order to figure things out for themselves, and they had both changed more than he could have ever imagined. Coming back, that was something they’d needed to do, as well. 

Being back had affected him much differently than he’d expected, and while he did love it here, he was happy to be heading back up to Baltimore. He loved it there, too; he didn’t love it in his bones like he did the hills of Harlan County, but he loved it for the comfort and perspective it had offered him and Raylan during their years there. And for the seafood, of course.

“Hey, Raylan.”

“Uh huh.”

“Want to go out for crabs next weekend?”

“Sure. Can we go to sleep now, though?”

Boyd was so warm and comfortable in Raylan’s arms that he decided he’d rather wake up sticky than get up and do anything about it. Perhaps he'd been a little hasty in assessing his energy level tonight. Raylan pulled him in tighter for a moment and kissed him on the cheek.

"Mmmm..."

"Night, Boyd."

“Good night, Raylan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from "Tennessee Sucks."


End file.
